my angels! my family! my blood!

[machinery]

this is something i just wrote while listening to radiohead's hail to the thief album. it's not refined yet. tell me what you think.

***

it was in the setting of the sun
that
i lost way of my journey.

my heart became cold.
my eyes were starting
to bleed emotion.

i exhaled my cigarette with more agitation.
stars started staring, gleaming their twinkling
memories of the past.

so, are you watching over me?
all my soiled siblings and slouched ancestors,
my older brother dead at the exhale of my mother's womb;
i only know his name.
and my older sister passed on an eccentric car crash,
her son now almost half her life.
my grandfathers of complete glee and greatness,
making me a competitor with games of ping pong and chess;
my grandmothers of gratuity and grand genialness;
i was too young for them to die.

are you my angels?
are you my beliefs in god?

why am I still around, surviving dumb antics of drunken debauchery
and sad affairs of absentees of education?
being a sore throat to the mouth of my mother,
her faith higher than i've ever been,
strict with sunday morning on my stay-at-home visits.
and a
tired-raised-voice-that-now-is-the-troubled-at-his-boy father,
who still yearns for greatness from his only living son,
but only finds
someone
to golf with and
have a few
moments,
drinks,
and laughter.

so, where's the acknowledgment?
the marquees of christ?
my angels! my family! my blood!
swoop down and bring wind to my back and hair,
let me know you soar with smiles of immortality
i'm tired of not knowing if there is an end to all existence.
i'm tired of not knowing if my last words to loved ones
will be a failure.

where are the signs?
where is my exit?
where is my destination?

won't my angels give their exhales upon my back to guide
my being?

[Hannibal]

not as "clean" as some of your other stuff you've done.
but it was a neccessary "dirtyness" i think.. as it made this peice feel really raw and full of emotion.
I saw this being acted out, spoken by you. But in such a way that it was just raw and passionate.
I like the work, and it could be cleaned up a bit... but then again, i really like the just open ended passionate side of it.
*shrugs*
But I must say, this peice I enjoyed.
I'm not much on criticism i guess, cuz i like most of your stuff..
but this one was different, and I could see this uncleaned rawness there.. seething like an open wound, one you want to heal, but it won't.
at least... imo. [img]wink.gif[/img]
nice work.